The Call of the Open Road

For those that read this blog on any kind of a "faithful" basis and especially those that have read since the beginning (or if you're related to me), you know that it has taken me a long time to find contentment. It has come though but it was a long and sometimes painful process getting there. I've learned that contentment doesn't depend on where you are, but on what you do with what you have been given, whether great or small.

Now I know that some of you will see the title of this entry and immediately think, "Here she goes again. She's get her bags half packed and is ready to roll". Let me assure you that that is not the case. I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately and the title seemed appropriate.

This month will mark two years that I've lived in South Carolina. Wow! Where did those two years go? And it's funny because when I moved here I came with the intent to stay two years and then most likely move on. Perhaps that has been part of what has sparked my mentality as of late. I've found myself.... reflective. I'm young and free and hardly settled down and I love it that way. Besides it leaves the doors of possibilities wide open. But there are things that "tie me down" in a sense - debt, lack of a finished education, work - so I am always brought back to "what am I going to do in life?" "Where do I go from here?" I have plans, it's just finding a way to execute those plans. That's where my mind tends to work overtime. It has been lately.

And along my journey I have met people and been places that I truly miss and sometimes think I would like to return to.

I've also learned not to analyze every thought and move in great detail. God's will is not limited and He can certainly use me wherever I am. Sometimes I'm not allowing Him to use me and that's something He's been showing me too.

So along with learning about truly being content, I've come to the realization that I will probably always be ready to "hit the road" at anytime. That's just who I am. For me, the "call of the open road" is forever present. But not in a discontent way. In a way that calls me to the adventure that lies in the unknown. I will probably always wander to some degree but "I'm young and I love to be young. I'm free and I love to be free". :)

When Life Doesn't Make Sense

I came home from work, grabbed my Bible, journal and a book and headed to the park to sit by the lake and.... listen. I felt like I should pray but didn't know where to start and felt more compelled to just sit still and listen and write. Whoever coined the phrase "When it rains it pours" hit the nail on the head. It seems that it sometimes works that way. And right now it's not so much my life as the lives of those around me that seems to be crashing in and God doesn't make sense. And what do you say?! I for one am not a fan of the "Sunday school answers" because sometimes "God is in control" isn't always the most comforting thing to hear, however true it is. Sometimes I have to ask "Why?". And sometimes I have to express my frustrations with God. He's God, and He's big enough to handle our frustrations and anger. And even though His plans are sometimes hard to see and figure out, I don't think that He sits in Heaven trying to hide things from us and play games. He wants to share with us but in our human minds and limited visibility, we aren't going to understand some things this side of heaven. That's just a cold, hard fact. Today was a day that I couldn't find anything in the Bible that expressed how I felt except for the book of Job. God allowed Job to ask and be upset. And when he was all done, God spoke. And though I'm sure Job still had many questions, that was enough. So... ask questions, scream at the top of your lungs, cry until you can't anymore and then when you've shared all your frustration with Him, allow Him to wrap His love around you like a hug and listen.

So "American"

I went tubing with some friends the other day on the Chattahoochee River. As we were floating along, my friend Amber made the comment "This is so American. Only an American would come up with something like this". And as I thought about it, I realized she's probably right. And I think that's one of the things I love about summer. I'm adventurous and love to travel. I love all things international. But at the end of the day, I'm an all-American girl. And summer brings out the American in me. I love camping and roasting hot dogs and making s'mores. I love the ocean but I'll take the lake any day too. I think everyone needs a little culture in their life and I'm definitely all for seeing the world. But as I stood on my back porch last night spitting watermelon seeds into the grass, I once again thought how American I truly am. :)

This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land...

I love this day. I have so many great childhood memories of July 4th. We would get up and head out town for the community parade. We always sat in the same spot every year with the same people. It was great. In fact, to this day, when I go home on the 4th, I have to sit in that same spot to watch the parade. Otherwise, it's just not the parade like it should be. Funny, I love change but I love family traditions as well. :)

Then, we would head to Gram's or Uncle Paul's for lunch and most of the afternoon. I love family and we spent a lot of time with family.

We had our spot to watch the fireworks from as well. We called it the Sjoberg's spot because a lot of our family all sat there. One of our traditions again. When I was really little, fireworks scared me but they soon became one of my favorite parts.

But for as much as I love the traditional 4th of July events, I love this day because it reminds me of the freedom of the great country that I live in. I was raised very patriotic. I have many family members that have served our country in one branch of the military or another. I cry when I see soldiers march by or when I hear the National Anthem or "God Bless the USA". The 4th means so much more than parades and fireworks. Yes, it's a celebration. It's a party for our country. But price for our freedom was great.

So enjoy this day! Enjoy the traditions! Love being with family and friends! And, if given the chance, thank a soldier!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Family, Friends, Maine and Moose

cont.....

For All My Girls!

A little girl about 4 years old came into the bank the other day with her mother. On her head she wore a silver tinted plastic crown with large colorful jewels. I leaned over the counter, looked into her dancing eyes and asked "Are you a princess?" Immediately an ear-to-ear smile broke out across her face and she said "Yes" and did a little twirl. I couldn't help but smile back at her. She is so young and innocent and playing the role that we all wish to play.
When I was young I loved to play dress up. Sometimes I was Mary Poppins or Marie from the "Sound of Music". And some days I wanted to be tough like a boy and I would play the role of a game warden or police officer. But my favorite dress up days were the days that my mom would let me put on her wedding dress and I would walk up and down the upstairs hallway pretending that I was getting married. For a few moments I felt "like a princess".
If you read my blogs on any kind of a consistent basis, you'll notice that I talk about this kind of thing quite a bit. But there's a reason. I think that too many girls these days have forgotten what it was like to want to be the princess. Listen to the words from one of Taylor Swifts most recent songs:
"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.... and it's too late for you and your white horse to come around".
We've been hurt and often at a young age. And the idea of "Prince Charming" has long since been forgotten. And every once in a while, we need to be reminded of the dreams we once had.
For me, it's the little four-year-old face that I can't forget smiling up and me and twirling with her crown on.

Something Worth Fighting For...

Most times it's really hard for me to ask GOD to teach me something when I am in the middle of a difficult or uncomfortable situation. And lately things have been... difficult. After weeks of frustration and confusion and possibly some anger, I asked GOD what HE wanted me to learn from all of this, and immediately HE began to show me things.

Sometimes GOD brings hard things into our lives for the sole purpose of drawing us closer to HIMSELF. And that is not an easy thing to accept because not only was it difficult getting there, but we have to face the reality of how far we have drifted. It's never easy, but I'm learning a lot and being drawn closer to the ONE that loves me for exactly who I am and pursues my heart everyday. Because I'm worth the pursuit!

Today was an absolutely beautiful day.... It was about 90. I spent most of the day at the park. Below are a couple of pics from the Soiree in Downtown Anderson this morning. The horses are the Budweiser Clydesdale horses.

Just When You Think You've Seen It All...

While standing in the check-out line this afternoon, I saw a booklet entitled "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Prayer and Devotions". REALLY?! I'm not going to go on forever on this one and rant and rave or anything, but is this really necessary? Has the world complicated a relationship with GOD to the point that someone actually needs a pamphlet to tell them how to pray and read the Bible?
I'll be the first to admit that my devotional life is often not what it should be and my relationship with GOD sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. However, over the years I have found that GOD is really very easy to talk to and HE is always ready and willing to listen to us and take us back. Reading the Bible might seems like work at times, but if you can read.....
Just thought I'd throw this out there.

Recent Getaway...

Just returned from a few days on the beaches of the Gulf Coast and some fabulous time with family. Loved every minute of it... returning to reality was difficult at best.

Florida Pictures

And More...

More Florida Pics...

March 2nd

It's March 1st and Snowing...

To Love At All...

“She was dressed in rich materials – satins, and lace, and silks – all of white. Her shoes were white. And she had a long white veil dependent from her hair, and she had bridal flowers in her hair, but her hair was white……I saw that everything within my view ought to be white, had been white long ago, and had lost its luster, and was faded to yellow. I saw that the bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress, and like the flowers, and had no brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes.” ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

I have been attempting for a few months now to put into words some of the things that have been on my heart – personal experiences and those that I have witnessed in the lives of people close to me. However, it wasn’t until a recent conversation with a friend, encouraging me to not become a “Miss Havisham” (Great Expectations), that things started to make sense and come together.

It really only takes one or two failed or poorly handled relationships for one to start to feel a bit cynical about life and love and happiness. If we’re honest, many of us at one time or another has found ourselves hoping for the “Fairy Tale”. Girls, you know this is true. We tend to conger up in our minds the “perfect” guy that will come and sweep us off our feet and we will live “happily ever after”. And then, reality sets in. He turns out to be… human. And instead of forgiving and forgetting and moving on, we dwell on what could have been, should have been or might have been. We start to build walls around our heart – slowly, surely, painfully. We look around at those that are in wonderful, happy and loving relationships and think that they’re the exception. Sometimes, for a brief moment, we remember what it felt like to be in that place but then we remember what it felt like to get hurt, so we place another brick in the wall.

I feel like I almost don’t have a right to say these things since I know that I have never experienced the pain that many people go through in their relationships. And I have been told that I am too young to be so cynical. But I don’t think that cynicism has an age limit and we all can become that way in direct proportion to the blow that we have been dealt.

I was one of those girls that thought for many years that the first guy that I dated would be the man that I would marry. Why? Because I was picky and had high standards and figured that if I prayed long enough and hard enough God would just work things out that way. But that’s not what happened. And it wasn’t God’s fault; it was just the path that I chose at the time. And as always He had a lesson for me to learn through it all. But over time, I started to build my wall. I wasn’t aware of it right away, but it was there.

I have been trying for some time now, with God’s help, to heal the wounds and move on. But I know that I struggle with trust and being open to people and allowing them to get to know me for who I am with all my faults and failures. Because to become that transparent to another human being, means that I might get hurt. C. S. Lewis said it so well...

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal, Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…”

Does anyone really want to live that kind of life? Does anyone knowingly choose to be the “Miss Havisham” that sits in the dark wearing her old wedding dress exactly like she was the day that her fairy tale fell through? Very rarely does a wall like this build over night, but, more realistically, over time. And it can start at any age. And it will not come down until we recognize that it is there and choose to remove it.

So maybe you’ve been hurt. Maybe life hasn’t turned out the way that you had planned. Maybe you’ve been knowingly or unknowingly building a wall around your heart. Don’t let that hurt get in the way of you living your life to the fullest and allowing people to love you. Reality: this side of heaven, life will let you down. Humans are going to continue to act human. And you may feel like you will never love again, but that, my friend, is up to you. And you will find that choosing to forgive, let go of the hurt, and put cynicism aside, is a most glorious feeling.