Lost in the Busyness

Life has been crazy and busy and thus I've lacked the motivation to write for a while. Sorry to those of you that do check this on a somewhat regular basis.

It's hard to believe I've been in PA for a month now. What's even harder to believe is that it's been only a month and a half since I left SC.... that feels like an eternity ago.

Life is about to get busier and crazier but I'm looking forward to what the summer holds. Hoping to see some South Carolina friends this week.

I'll try to get some actual thoughts up here at some point in the near future... Trust me, there's still lots going through me head at all times. :)

Five Years from Now....

It's funny that when you're 18, graduating High School and heading off into the world, you think "Where will I be in five years?" and then you think of all the possibilities. For whatever reason I got to thinking about this last night and thought about the fact that I've passed that particular five year mark. Strange. And then I thought over the last seven years since I left high school and stepped out into "the world". Probably I wouldn't have said that I'd be where I am right now, but I'm happy with my life. I really have no complaints and I've accomplished things. I haven't accomplished some of the things that I thought I was going to but where I've been, what I've done and who I've met have made me who I am right now and I'm more than okay with that.

Where will I be five years from now?! No idea. I don't plan that far ahead. :)

Takes Me Back

It amazes me how strong the sense of smell can be when it comes to triggering memories.

I arrived in Waymart, Pennsylvania last night at the beautiful Camp Ladore. Today I took a walk around and it struck me that camp always smells the same. It smells just like it did my very first summer and that was 7 years ago. And as I walked around and took things in, there are a lot of things that have changed over the years and camp looks a bit different then it did that first summer. But the fact that it smells the same brought back so many memories.

Funny isn't it?! I love smells that bring back good memories - baked beans in the oven, fresh bread, cut grass in the summer, the ocean. I think everyone can think of smells that bring back those great memories. And for a moment in time we are transported back to a simpler or maybe even a better time. And just as smells can take us back to a wonderful place, they can also dredge up memories from the past that we have tried to forget. And in that same instant, we are in a place that we don't want to be with a past that haunts us.

But for today, as I walked around the lake and took it all in, I remembered all the good memories that I have from here and all the great friends I've made over the years. And for a few moments, all was right in the world and life was as it should be.

What Captures My Heart....

Today, Daniel (my 2 year-old cousin) smiled at me when I walked into the room and said "I remember you". And I melted. He went down for a nap and when he woke up, I had gone. He called me and asked me where I was and why did I leave. Love it! Kids are always so honest and state whatever is in their heads. Sometimes, you feel about knee high after being around them and other times, they make you feel extra special. That was how I felt today. 

Before I left South Carolina, Emma, who's 3, gave me lots of hugs, told me she'd miss me and even asked me if she could go with me. She and I are somewhat kindred spirits and I will miss her. :)

They say that home is where your heart is, but I think it's also where you feel loved. It's where you are appreciated, cherished and wanted. Sometimes one's heart can be in more places than just one. And when kids steal your heart, as they have a way of doing, part of you will always feel at home wherever they may be. 

Beyond Blessed

I left work yesterday feeling truly overwhelmed and very loved. At times, the two little words of "Thank You" don't seem like they are enough. I had the chance to work with some really wonderful people and I had some great customers. All will be missed, probably more than they know. And from the very bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

Memories, Changes and Thanks

Tomorrow morning I will get in my car, drive to Homeland Park and go to work just like I have for the last two years. However, at the end of the day I will count down my drawer, hand in my keys and walk out the door for the last time. Tomorrow will be my last day at the bank. It's hard to believe I've been there for over two years now. Quick recap, I moved to South Carolina in August 2007 on a bit of a whim and a need for adventure. I thought that finding a job was going to be easy but that wasn't the case at all. I had no job at all for about a month and a half and then part-time employment until March 2008. When I started at the bank I was never so glad to see a Monday - Friday, 8-5 job. 

Tomorrow, and this weekend, will be a time of mixed emotions. I'm excited about change and moving on. But there's a piece of my heart here and I'll be leaving that behind. I think that, unless you are truly a heartless person, you can't spend any significant amount of time anywhere without developing some sort of attachment. 

If I were to start a list of personal "Thank Yous" here, it would take up quite a bit of time and space. And anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not really one for "Good-Byes". So this isn't going to be a long, drawn-out message. But allow me to say this:

There have been many people that have had an impact on my life during the last two and half years. Some more than others, but all have been important. If you're reading this, you most likely are in that group. It's amazing how the heart expands and makes room for all the people in our lives. And my heart has certainly grown bigger. I have appreciated the southern hospitality, all of the "Yank" jokes I've endured, your patience, kindness, support and love. Please know that you all will be remembered and loved forever.

I'm really not a "Good-Bye" person but more of a "See You Later" kind of girl. Things may be changing right now, but change can be good and life will most likely bring us together again in the future. 

Thanks for the memories and here's to all the new ones yet to come. :)

Glimpses of Eternity

I've probably mentioned this before, but I love CBS Sunday Morning. They usually have great stories and interesting features. This morning the focus was on outer space. Is there life out there? How many planets and galaxies are there that we know nothing about? And as they were discussing all of this and showing some amazing pictures that have been taken, one scientist made a comment that struck me. He said "no imagination could have come up with this". I thought about that for a minute and then thought, "But an imagination did come up with it and then spoke it into existence". And then I got thinking about God's imagination. We humans have been given great minds - some more than others. Think about all the things that we've thought about and come up with and dreamed up over the centuries. Some things are out of needs, others of wants and some are just plain crazy but nevertheless, we've used our imagination. Now, if we are created in the image of God, then doesn't it make sense that God also has an imagination?! And since everything about God is on a much grander scale, then how big must His imagination be! Looking at space is such a great and amazing thing and reminds me of how big my God is. But it also shows how creative He is. He thought up the earth and all that surrounds it and there may be far more out there that we as humans know nothing about. And I don't mean aliens. But there my be planets and galaxies that we haven't seen yet. And the great part is we have an eternity to explore and discover. 

I have thoughts and ideas of what I think eternity might be like. I could be way off, but what if we're able to just think about a place and be there. And what will a new heaven and a new earth be like? Honestly, the thought of living forever and ever is really mind blowing and almost scary but I'm pretty confident that we won't be bored. Because think about this, God existed before the beginning and He's going to be there throughout eternity. Now, since He was before the beginning that we know, and since I think that He has a pretty amazing imagination, I don't believe that He was bored or uncreative before the world began and I don't think He's going to send us into a boring eternity. I know some people that believe that we're just going to worship God before His throne for ever and ever because we'll just be so thankful for all He did for us. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way down playing Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross. It was and always will be the best and most amazing demonstration of Love ever. And I think that when we get to Heaven there will be plenty of praising and worshiping and honoring. But I also am one to believe that there will be other things to do. God made us all special and unique. We are different from the angels and I believe we always will be. We are creative. We are adventurous. We are curious. And although I think that once we get to Heaven a lot of our questions from earth will be answered, maybe we'll have new questions. Doesn't it make sense that there will be new things to discover if there's a new Heaven and a new Earth? And what fun would it be if we just knew everything and sat around? If you know me, you know that I love to travel and plan to do a lot of it if I can. I also plan to travel after my time on this earth ends and I think it will be much easier since things like money and security won't be an issue. I hope to see new and amazing things and get a better idea of just how great God's imagination truly is.

You may not agree with me and that's fine. I might have lost you somewhere in the reading of this and that's okay too. But just think for a moment about how great God really is and if you find yourself forgetting, take some time to look at pictures from outer space or just looking up at a clear, night sky and try to count the stars.

The Stuff Dreams are Made Of

Today I sat on the living room floor and sorted through drawers of stuff that I've collected over the years. I feel like I've been cleaning for weeks and I'm not done yet. It's amazing all the junk that we can accumulate over time. And I'm just one person in a little apartment who still has boxes in storage in her parents attic. I hate think about packing up a whole house and family. That's probably one of the reasons I don't have those things yet. Maybe someday. My mother made the comment to me that perhaps a time will come when I will settle in one place and have a house and not have to move this stuff around (is she hinting about the boxes in the attic??). :) As I made piles of things - save, sell, throw - I thought about the meaning of the things I have. Some of it might look like junk to any other person, but it has some meaning or sentimental value to me. And so, it goes where I go. But the things that matter the most to me aren't things that can be packed in boxes and placed in storage. In fact, they aren't things at all. 

Two and a half years ago, I set out on a journey. I didn't know what would happen, but I knew that I needed change and to find some things on my own. I moved, sight unseen, to a town and an area where, at the time, I knew only five people. I had no job, no car and no idea what was going to happen. And truth be told, the first few months were the hardest months of my life. Nothing really turned out like I planned, but I learned a lot through it all. I learned more about myself, my God, my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my family. I have an amazing family. I know I've said that before, but it's true. My parents have loved and supported me through all my wandering and random ideas and chasing of dreams. My siblings and I always pick up right where we left off and we have so much fun together. I have the best aunts and uncles and cousins that anyone could ask for. And my grandmother is amazing. Every time I go home she reminds me that she prays for us all and I know she does. And heaven knows we need it.

I think that it took this move for me to truly appreciate my family for who they are and all that they do. I'm not the type to really ever get homesick, but there have been times over the last two years that being so far away was more than difficult. Over time, things change. People get older. Families expand. Kids grow up. And I realize these things are inevitable and happen no matter where we are, but I came to a point of realizing that what I'd left behind was more important to me than I had originally thought. 

I'm still me. I'm still adventurous, still random and definitely still chasing dreams. I hope that I always do. I still have plans to travel the world and I still have several different jobs I think I want to do and lots of things to learn and discover. The thought of settling down still makes me claustrophobic and I will forever love the call of the open road. It's time for a new adventure, a little bit closer to home. Two weeks from now I'll be in a different state, setting out on a new journey. And as always, I'm really excited. I love change. But as I pack up my stuff and look to the horizon, the most important things I take are the memories of the past and hopes for the future. Because those are the things that make up my dreams.

The Smell of Fresh Cut Grass and Sunshine

Absolutely LOVE this time of year! The days are longer, it's warmer in the morning when I leave for work, the air smells fresh and summer is not too far away. It's great. It's also hard to be inside all day long when it's so nice outside. Today I went to the Post Office on my lunch break and truly wanted to just keep driving and enjoy the day. I've always been an outdoor girl - walking, hiking, camping. I actually like mowing lawns. Strange, huh? And I'd love to go camping right about now. The evenings make me want to sit around a campfire.

I'm really excited about Colleen's wedding. I wish that I could be closer to her to help her work on things but I'm enjoying the process anyway. :) It's going to be a fun weekend.

I want to learn something new. I don't really have anything specific in mind right now but I really want to take a class or just try something that I haven't done before.

I'm glad that tomorrow's the last day of March. It's been a long month and I'm ready for a new one.

Safe

You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms,
The hands that hold the world are holding your heart.
This is the promise He's made, He will be with you always,
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms.
~Phil Wickham

I can't get this song out of my head. Last week as I left for a brief trip to Maine for a funeral of a very dear uncle, this song came on the radio and I turned it up, sang along and cried. It was so appropriate for the time. And as Mom and Colleen and I were driving to Bangor on Monday morning, it was on again and we turned it up and sang. And I thought about my aunt. The next few weeks and months are going to be the hardest and as people leave and go back to their lives and responsibilities, but her world will never be the same. Oh, it will get better and over time it will hurt a little less. But she will always need to feel the safety of her Heavenly Father's arms.

On my way home, I read pretty much an entire book. The story was of a woman in a supposedly Christian marriage with a husband who others looked at and thought what a good and godly example he was to his family and those around him. But behind closed doors he was a completely different person and she worked so hard for so long to please him in order to avoid the beatings and bruises. She wasn't safe in her own home with the people that she should be able to trust the most. And even though the book was fictional, it could be about the person that lives next door or sits beside you in church.

It's been a couple of months since Haiti was rocked by the biggest earthquake that country has ever experienced. And many people around the world have gone back to their daily living and "moved on". But those that are still there, still picking up the pieces and trying to out their lives back together haven't forgotten. They never will. And they need to know that Christ's arms are there for them. Maybe we are supposed to be those arms to show them Christ.

For a lot of people, life hasn't turned out like they planned. It may be due to choices that they have made. It may be because of the choices others have made. Or it may be neither and God just doesn't really make sense right now. And at times the clouds are so dark and the storm seems so big that it's hard to remember that He's still in control. But that's the great thing about the power of an embrace. Sometimes it comes when you least expect it but need it most. And when you feel yourself weary and falling, those arms are there. They have been all along. And out of the darkness and confusion, you feel God's hug. And you know, deep down, you are safe.

• Safe by Phil Wickham

More Phil Wickham music on iLike

The Distance Between, The Tie That Binds

There are times in life when the distance from those that you love feels so great that it physically hurts. When saying. "I love you, I'm here for you, I'm praying for you, and you're in my thoughts" just doesn't feel like it's enough. There are times when you just want to be with them - to hug, to cry, to sit, to listen.

But life doesn't always allow for that. Sometimes the ones we love, the ones that are hurting the most, are not just down the road or even across town. More often than not, the geographical distance is greater than we would like. But the love we have and the bond we share as a family, holds us together. It helps to know that when you are hurting, your family is hurting with you. And when you are crying, you're family is crying as well. And when you want to hug them and hold them close, they feel the exact same way. When life doesn't makes sense and the hurts are too big to carry alone, your family is there to hold your hand and lift your load.

We are all hurting right now, but we have each other. Family, I love you. And though the distance between may be great, the tie that binds is strong.

It's A Beautiful Day...

... in the neighborhood. I woke up to sunshine this morning which was a welcome sight after three days of rain. I love when Spring is in the air and right around the corner.

I'm not very good with plants but I'm attempting to grow some. I have one that I've had for years and has been with my mother up until about five months ago. I was certain that when I came into possession of it, it would die. However, I stuck it in the corner and it is thriving. I have some Forget-Me-Nots that are going so-so and I decided today to try to grow an Avocado tree. Not sure about that one. Sometimes I wish that I could have a garden. There's something really nice about gardens - vegetable, flower, rock. I'd probably do better with a rock garden. :)

Just some random thoughts on this beautiful day.

March So Far

There's a lot of thoughts going through my head. Maybe sometime in the next couple of days I'll get them sorted out and write something deeper.

This past weekend I drove up to Ohio to surprise my sister and meet her fiance. It was a really fun weekend and she was definitely surprised. It was wonderful just to hang out and relax and visit. I miss my family more than I usually know.

Today it was in the 70's. It was wonderful! I can't wait for Spring and Summer to really arrive and stay.

I'm already ready for the weekend. I know that's terrible but it's the truth.

Everybody's Story

I'm about to be pretty transparent here, something that I usually stay away from in the blogging world. I tend to write from a more symbolic point of view. But today, I need to be open. Why? Because, if everybody has a story, you can't really tell yours if you're hiding behind allegories.

Sometimes I feel like the "odd one out" in the family. Don't tune me out here thinking that this is a ploy to get some sympathy from everyone. Quite the contrary, I assure you. And allow me to get something straight as well. I have an amazing and loving family. They truly are the best. That being said, here's what I mean. If you know me, have read any of my past posts or just paid attention to the title "Wandering But Not Lost" you know that I am far from having my life "figured out" (by some standards). But I've always been one to challenge the status quo. I refuse to settle for something that is less than I know I can be. I also refuse to settle for what would be a boring life for me. I am not going to finish school until I know that I am on a path that I truly want to be on. I'm not afraid to move on from one thing to another fairly quickly. Some might say I have trouble being content or have ADD, I prefer to think that all that I am learning is just making me a more well-rounded individual. :)

This morning as I was watching CBS Sunday Morning, Steve Hartman did another "Everybody Has A Story". I love that segment. Because it's true. If you take the time to get to know people and listen to what they have to say, you will find that they have a story and it probably has some striking similarities to your own. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think somewhere deep inside all of us is the desire for people to know our story. I have heard some people say that they sometimes think of their life playing out as a movie. I usually think of mine as more of a documentary. And then I think about what might be said about me. It's not as though I live a tremendously exciting life. But I live. And I make decisions just like everyone else and those decisions will affect the rest of my life in some way, shape or form at some point. And I may not be where I want to be in life right now, but I can change that. I can see what I am capable of and where I can go.

I want to work with people. Hurting people. I am about to venture out on a path that will hopefully lead to something in that area in the future. I see people all around that need physical help, spiritual help and most of all love and my heart breaks. I am hoping to eventual work in a humanitarian aid area. If you've talked to me in the last month, you probably know that I wanted to be in Haiti from day one. But that is not a possibility for me at this moment. I'm hoping to change that though so that when things like that happen, I can go. I am here for a greater purpose than myself.

Sometimes it's good to stop and think, "If I died today, what would people say about me? What would they remember?" And if it's not what you want it to be, do something about that before it's too late. When I think of my life and where I am and where I can be, I don't get bogged down by the fact that I'm not there, I am just inspired to change.

To Err Is Human

I knew that yesterday was going to be a hard day. I knew it all weekend and when I woke up yesterday morning. And as I left for work and drove down the road, I prayed. I prayed that God would keep my attitude in check and help me to "live in victory" (as my Dad says). I had no sooner gotten the words out of my mouth and the devil began to attack. And I didn't do very well at living in victory - at all! Needless to say, I basically went into survival mode just to get through the day and I could not wait for the clock to say 5:00 pm. May have been the worst day I've had in a LONG time. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this other than to point out how very human I can be and how frustrating it is. But today was a new day and it was better. It kinda had to be, right. :) I'm really thankful for a gracious and forgiving Heavenly Father.

The Timing of Things

I recently had a bit of a turning point. I realized how "comfortable" I had become in my relationship with God - basically to the point where I was not growing or learning. I went back and forth with the Father about this for a while until I became tired of arguing the point and gave in to what I knew was the right thing to do. I was reading through some old journal entries over the past couple of years and I came across one where a friend had challenged me to ask God to teach me something new. Bit of a scary thing to pray, huh? But that was where God got me. I had been trying for a while to get my relationship back on track by reading random bits of Scripture or devotional books but the desire to really change was not there and I had to come to a breaking point first. I knew that asking God to teach me something new would mean that I would be stretched and things will get uncomfortable, but without that there wouldn't be growth and the change that I so desperately needed.

The last couple of weeks have had some not-so-great moments, some disappointments and some definite lows. I've been challenged in different ways and forced to face who I really am and see how far I have to go to be who I want to be. And so far, most of these things have been very small in comparison to what they could be but I find that it's the small things that often show us what we're made. How do we handle the little disappointments and upsets? And if we can't get through the little things, how on earth do we ever get through the big things? And in a more Spiritual sense, I believe that it's the little things that help us gain the ultimate victory. Satan knows that if he can get us in those small areas of life, those "minor sins", then he's got us. We've given him all the leverage he needs to get in and keep us from being all that our Father desires us to be.

And I have found that when I accept the things I can't not change and look at them from the perspective of everything happens for a reason (God is not a God of coincidences), then I begin to learn. And sometimes - often actually - my timing and God's are not the same at all. And when things don't happens when and how I want them to, I get frustrated. Then I remember, I prayed for change.

A Mile A Minute

Sometimes I sit down to write and have no idea where to start. If I could give people only just a glimpse of all that goes through my head in the course of a day, it would blow their minds. Tonight's one of those nights. And the ironic thing is, when I can get my thoughts out and have them make sense, it's such a relief and really clear my head.

I think this is why I'm so bad at trying to pray for long periods of time. I get really sidetracked by all the things going through my head. Usually I have to pray short prayers through out the day. And sometimes I just get frustrated with myself and my inability to express to me Father what I need to say, so I just "remind" Him that He knows the rest, better than I do even, and leave it at that. Sometimes I wonder why He gave me such a crazy mind and heart. I often feel like I'm all over the place. Like right now...

Home Is Where...

... the Heart is?! Ya, I think so. And these days I'm not sure where, on this earth, my heart is. I know that "this world is not my home" and I'm not supposed to get too comfortable. I understand that part. But I also know that God put me here "for such a time as this" and I need to make the most of my time here both in the spiritual sense and the earthly, more literal sense. Now I'm just not sure if I'm making sense. :)


Everyone's wandering is usually far more spiritual than they know. Some people wander in search of God. Others wander in search of their purpose once they've found God. I've said many times that I do not believe in narrowing the will of God. I think that one can be in many places or doing any number of things and still be in the general will of God and used for His service. But I think that God still has a specific will for people. We're kinda like pieces of a puzzle. We all have a place. I guess some of us just take a bit longer to find that place. In the mean time we may "temporarily fit" into a spot but it's not really where we belong long term. Thus the longing for "home". Somewhere we fit - snug, tight, comfortable.


Michael Buble sings a song called "Home". I have a love hate relationship with the song itself, but it's still a great song. No, there's no spiritual link in the lyrics. It's really about more of a romantic relationship. But it explains how the heart sometimes feels:


And I'm surrounded by, a million people I, still feel all alone, I just wanna to go home, Oh, I miss you, you know... Let me go home, I've had my run, Baby, I'm done, I gotta go home.

All Things Canadian

I've been craving Tim Horton's Coffee all week. Seriously, it's some of the best coffee in world. And especially on cold, rainy days like today. I want to sit down with friends, or just with a good book and a great cup of coffee.

Michael Buble officially announced his engagement this week. So there goes that.... :) I do adore him though. And love his music.

With the winter Olympics in Vancouver just around the corner, I keep thinking about how much I want to see western Canada. Preferably in the summer though as I'm not really a big fan of winter and winter activities. Someday I'll go hiking in the Rockies.

Before the Throne

I wish I could just jump on a plane right now and head to Haiti and help. As I saw more pictures today I just felt so helpless. I thought how I'm able bodied and strong and so many down there right now need help just sifting through the rubble. But then I remembered something. I can pray. And I know that sounds so clich'e and "Christianize" but here's the thing. It has been said that when we pray, we are accessing the most powerful force in the universe. And not only is that true but I love that thought. Seriously, just think about that for a minute...

So right now, this very moment, I may not be able to physically go to Haiti. But I can ask the God of the Universe to protect, comfort, save and guide those that are there. Care to join me?

Regardless of the state of the World....

Some people are news junkies. I am not. I like to turn it on in the morning and see what the headlines are and sometimes I'll watch the evening news. That's about it. And these days I watch less and less of it because, well, it's pretty depressing.

At this moment I am sitting in the comfort of my living room, warm, dry and safe, watching the news. Tonight's headline: The earthquake in Haiti. So much devastation. So many lives lost. So much pain in a country already struggling with daily life. And it seems so unfair. So unnecessary.

And what gets me is when I hear people talk about how "awful" things in the world and "it's just the beginning if the end" and "it's only gonna get worse" and such a hopeless way.

Because here's the thing... that's all true. If you've never read Revelation in the Bible, check it out. Things in the end times are going to be bad. And this is just the beginning. Are we living in the End Times? I don't know. But here's what I do know...

Regardless of the state of my life, my family, my country and the world, it is well with my soul. Because I have a personal, wonderful relationship with my Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ. And He's in control! No matter what. Things can get pretty grim and look pretty dark, but the Light of the World still shines. And there is Hope.

Sure, we can ask the questions. "Why did God allow this to happen?" I don't think He's offended by our questions. He's big enough to handle our angry, our grief, our pain, our confusion. But He also wants us to remember that He's in control and He wants us to come to Him and allow Him to be the Answer.

So, as I sit here and look at the devastation just a few hundred miles south, I have to remember, it IS well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials may come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and has shed His own blood for my soul. ~Horatio G Spafford

Dentists and Deep Freezes

I went to the dentist today. I'm a little strange (no surprise there).... I love going to the dentist. My friends think I'm crazy. Seriously though, it's so relaxing. I've fallen asleep in the chair before. Maybe it's because I've had so much work done on my mouth over the years that I'm just used to it. Who knows.

It's cold here. I know, I know. I live in the South and when I say "cold" my family starts rolling their eyes. But seriously, it's been cold. If there was snow on the ground, I'd feel like I was in Maine again. :)

Speaking of Maine... I miss my family. I have such a great family and I don't see them as much as I'd like to.... love you guys!

The Life You Want

I just watched Revolutionary Road... good, thought provoking and a bit depressing. But really more thought provoking than anything. How many countless people live a life that isn't really the life they wish to be living? How many give up the hopes and dreams that they once had in order to meet the expectations of others? How many put on a face that isn't honestly who they are because those around them might not like or be okay with who they really are?

I have no desire to be bored in life. And I don't personally know anyone that would admit that their goal in life is boredom either. But I'm serious when I say this. I'm an adventurous person. I love change. I long for it really. Some have looked at me and called me discontent, but I don't see it that way. I see it more as a desire to live my life to the fullest. I want to learn and discover and see and feel. Life really is "too short to live the same day twice". But that's what so many people do. And they get comfortable and settled in and... bored.

I know that I'm young and and some might look at my age and say that I'm just dreaming and I'll get over it and life will settle down. But I truly hope that doesn't happen. I hope that I always dream and try new things and act spontaneously.

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions but if I were to make one this year it would be to make the most of every day and be even more adventurous. :) So, here's to all the possibilities of a new year!

NOEL

For whatever reason, not being home for Christmas this year is harder for me than it has been the last couple of years. I miss hanging out with my sibs. I miss Christmas Eve with the Putnam side and Christmas night with the Sjoberg side. I miss my Mom's cooking. I miss the snow. I miss Gram's house decorated for the Season and her Noel sign on the front porch (Dad just sent a picture of the sign in a email the other day).

However, it occurs to me that there are many that cannot not be with their families this Christmas for reasons completely against their will or out of their control. And I am SO blessed with such a wonderful family. I feel the love from a thousand miles away. And isn't that what's important. For Christmas really isn't about things for me but about family and Jesus and all that God has blessed with me. And He has blessed me with wonderful people in my life.

So wherever this Christmas finds you, think about the people in your life and be thankful for the ones you have, have had and have yet to find. Blessings to all and Merry Christmas!

Whether Or Not You Agree

Not gonna lie. At 25, there are definitely things that I thought I would have done or accomplished by now that I haven't. However, I'm not one to look in the rearview mirror and lament. Instead, I think about all the possibilities that the future holds.

I want to change the world! I really do. And I don't mean that I plan on running for president someday or becoming a millionaire and feeding a whole third world country single-handedly. But I want my life to matter. I want to do something that will matter now and count for eternity. I'll be the first to admit that I have issues with some missions organizations and the way that some things are handled when it comes to sharing God's love with the world. And many "good" non-Believers out there are doing a lot to help those that are in need. But my desire to bring change stems not only from the tangible, physical needs of people, but more so from that fact that, as a Christian, I know I'm here for a greater purpose.

I've had it out with God more than a few times in the last several years. I left Bible school and Christian college angry with the way that I saw Christians acting and the methods being used in the average church in America. I don't like some of things that are done in the name of Jesus and missions and the church. And I'm still trying to find my place in the world as God would have me to be. Why? Because I don't settle for the status quo. And yes, the Bible is the road map for Christians but I believe that many that have been mislead. And too often we take what Scripture says and make it fit our lives when shouldn't it be the other way around?

And when it all boils down and the rubber meets the road, it's all about LOVE, people! And that, my friends, is the hard part. Why? Because love is not a feeling. It's not just an emotion. It's an action. It absolutely has to be. Otherwise, it's empty. And what does the world around us see when it comes to love from those that call themselves Christians?

And changing the world usually doesn't happen by the hundreds or thousands. It happens one person at a time. It it often may be the most unlovable person in your life and mine. Because love for that person is not going to come easily so when it comes, it makes the biggest difference.

Thoughts On Thanksgiving!

Okay, hands down this is my favorite Holiday of the year. I LOVE Thanksgiving! When I think Thanksgiving, I think Family and I LOVE my family. No, it's not easy being a thousand miles away from them on this day (or any holiday) but I am so blessed to have family all over and I have never been without some of them when the holidays come.

Thanksgiving is far less stressful than Christmas it seems. ( I hate that Christmas can get that way since it really has nothing to do with the reason for the Holiday). But perhaps this is one of the reasons that I favor T-day.

When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was most usually at Gram Sjoberg's with family. It was also the day that, if it had been cold enough, we could skate on the gulley (a large 'ditch' full of questionable water in the woods behind out house). I remember Dad would go out and test it in the morning and we would wait for the verdict. It was always so dissapointing if he came in and told us it wasn't frozen enough to skate on. But as I remember it, there were plenty of Thanksgivings that we were able to skate.

This is also the day that people traditionally think of all that they are thankful for and I have plenty to be thankful for. Besides the traditional roof over my head, food on the table, etc... I'm thankful for all the wonderful people in my life, family and friends. I'm thankful to have a job in these difficult times. I'm thankful for the freedom I have in the country I live in. I'm thankful for all that God has done for me and in me and will continue to do.

Family, I love you all so much and hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving where you are and with the people you're with.

Through a Child's Eyes

When was the last time you watched a kids' movie? Better yet, when was the last time you watched one with a kid? I love kids' movies and I watch them with or without children being present. But there's something great about getting a child's perspective on.... well, life, love, happiness and magic.

Tonight I was watching Enchanted with Emma. Emma is almost 3 and she loves princesses. (I was a bit too much of a tomboy when I was young to really be into princesses.) At the beginning of the movie, Prince Edward saves Giselle and they ride off on his white horse. Emma got really excited and said "Look Mel, he saved her and took her on his horse". And I couldn't help but smile because isn't that the part that all girls love? Isn't that when we all sigh and wish for Prince Charming? And we never really grow out if that no matter how life may taint our outlook. I'm not going to take this very far tonight, I've blogged about this before. If you want to know my thoughts on Prince Charming, look back at a few blogs in the last year or so. I was just struck tonight by the innocence and excitement of a child. If you haven't lately, watch a movie with someone under the age of 10 and see what you might learn.

Just Haven't Met You Yet

Okay, first off, let me start by saying that I am more than content in my singleness. I know that people tend to get the idea that those of us that are "unattached" are automatically miserable, but that's just not the case. And although I someday very much look forward to being found, pursued and romanced, now is not that time in my life. And I'm not ready for it to be. I get the questions alot... "is there anyone special in your life?"....or "are there any prospects?". And my answer remains the same, "Nope". But I'm also quick to add that I'm fine with that right now and it really is as it needs to be.
Always been a Michael Buble fan and one of his latest songs is my new favorite. So, although I usually like to share my own thoughts, I'm going to let him do the talking for me. Below are the lyrics and video to "Haven't Met You Yet". Great song.

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stop Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

~Michael Buble

Ramblings from my Wandering Heart

Do you ever feel like your current circumstances have you "trapped"? Like you can't really be who you are because of where you are or what you're doing? And I know that there are those that would argue that you can always be all that you can be wherever you are (this may be true to a degree) but if one is not doing what one loves and is passionate about, then I would argue that it is very difficult. I believe that everyone should find something that they love and do it with all their heart. Life's too short to spend so much time.... bored. And I'm all about seeing and doing as much as we can with the life that we have. Who says that you have to have the same career for 40+ years and then retire? Try new things and switch it up every once in while. Keeps life interesting. And if you're going to travel, don't limit yourself to just the country that you live in. And don't tell yourself you can't do things because of your current circumstances. Make things happen. Move in a direction. And if you decide you don't like it, turn around or take a different route.

To Make You Think

These are not orginal. I stole them from Andy Rooney.

I've learned... The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned... That you can always pray for someone when you don't have the strength to help them in some other way.

I've learned... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone need a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned... That's it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I am tougher.

I've learned... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I've learned... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

Not so much thoughts....

.... but more of just a general update.

I'm in New Jersey as I write this. I have just spent the last 3 days in Pennsylvania for the wedding of a couple of friends. The drive up was long but good. I need random trips now and then to appease my longing for travel and adventure. And the farther north I got, the more beatiful the scenery became. The leaves are turning here and I miss that this time of year. I will admit that I've become a bit of wimp when it comes to the weather and it's been a little chilly up here (yesterday I felt like it should be snowing :)).

The wedding was at camp and going to camp for me is like going home. I absolutely love it there and as I drove around there were SO many memories that came to the surface. And as I left, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Part of my heart will forever be at Camp Ladore. I can't say that for everywhere I've lived but it's certainly true there.

Catching up with old friends was wondrful as well. Many of them are more like extended family and that's one of the things that I love. Thank you to all who helped me through those summers.

And Congratulations to Les & Luie and many blessings!

Using My Senses

The Summer went by too fast.... and summer is my favorite time of year so I'm always sad to see it come to an end. I like Fall though and I don't even think about Winter because that just depresses me. :) Spring and Summer are when I am particularly spontaneous and adventurous. Those are the months that I could just pick and go and not give it a second thought. Fall, however, causes me to settle back in to life that I live. But it also inspires me to learn. I don't know, maybe it's all the people going back to school, whether by force or by choice. Or maybe it's the fact that I can't really pick up and go to the beach or even the pool anymore. Or maybe it's some underlying psychological thing.... Who knows. But every year around this time I'm ready to learn. It's funny too, because I never liked school. I'm still not a fan of "text book" learning, but hands on, bring it on. I LOVE to learn something new. Lately the ideas of the things that I want to do in life have been a bit overwhelming. If you really think about it, the possibilities are endless. And I am a women of many interests. Jack of all trades. I'll probably never complete a 4 year degree and you can pretty much forget about a masters.... that's just not me. But that doesn't mean that I'm not learning and applying. In fact, I think it's great that there are so many things that one can do with just a few months of education. Probably someone like me came up with the idea.... (I think I've developed ADD as I've gotten older). :)

On a slightly different note, but keeping with the season, I love the smell of Fall. This week there were a couple of days that smelled like Fall and I wanted to stay outside all day. There's something about that cooler air that is just so.... refreshing. One thing I miss about the north is the spectacular colors when the leaves change in the Fall. I'm headed to Pennsylvania for a few days in October and I so hoping that the leaves will be beautiful. God has given us so many lovely things in creation. It's amazing!

I know this has been a really random blog and a bit disjointed, but I just wanted to share some thoughts and my thoughts are rarely coherent.

The Distance Between Us

People often ask me if I ever get homesick being so far away from my family. And the truth is, I usually don't since I don't really think about it. And I'm not homesick now, but I am thinking about it....

This week marks a new chapter in the lives of my family members. For the first time in almost 25 years, my parents are empty-nesters and we may very soon be spread out across 5 different states. I, for one, find this to be rather exciting. It's a chance for adventure and growth and many opportunities. We each are finding our own way in the world and discovering who we are and what we want.

At the same time, there's a bit of sadness knowing that things will never be the same again. I have many, many wonderful memories of growing up in Hodgdon, Maine and most of those memories involve my siblings. And for as much as I love change and adventure, sometimes I just want to be a kid again, riding my bike in endless circles around the drive and not having a care in the world.

But here's what I love about my family....

Over the years, the distance between us grows. We get older and change. But our relationships get stronger and at the end of the day, when we all come home again, nothing has really changed. :)

Dad, Mom, Colleen, Erik & Britta, I love you all so much!

A Few From this Weekend...

Here are some pictures from my friend Ann Marie's wedding in Connecticut this past weekend.

The Call of the Open Road

For those that read this blog on any kind of a "faithful" basis and especially those that have read since the beginning (or if you're related to me), you know that it has taken me a long time to find contentment. It has come though but it was a long and sometimes painful process getting there. I've learned that contentment doesn't depend on where you are, but on what you do with what you have been given, whether great or small.

Now I know that some of you will see the title of this entry and immediately think, "Here she goes again. She's get her bags half packed and is ready to roll". Let me assure you that that is not the case. I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately and the title seemed appropriate.

This month will mark two years that I've lived in South Carolina. Wow! Where did those two years go? And it's funny because when I moved here I came with the intent to stay two years and then most likely move on. Perhaps that has been part of what has sparked my mentality as of late. I've found myself.... reflective. I'm young and free and hardly settled down and I love it that way. Besides it leaves the doors of possibilities wide open. But there are things that "tie me down" in a sense - debt, lack of a finished education, work - so I am always brought back to "what am I going to do in life?" "Where do I go from here?" I have plans, it's just finding a way to execute those plans. That's where my mind tends to work overtime. It has been lately.

And along my journey I have met people and been places that I truly miss and sometimes think I would like to return to.

I've also learned not to analyze every thought and move in great detail. God's will is not limited and He can certainly use me wherever I am. Sometimes I'm not allowing Him to use me and that's something He's been showing me too.

So along with learning about truly being content, I've come to the realization that I will probably always be ready to "hit the road" at anytime. That's just who I am. For me, the "call of the open road" is forever present. But not in a discontent way. In a way that calls me to the adventure that lies in the unknown. I will probably always wander to some degree but "I'm young and I love to be young. I'm free and I love to be free". :)

When Life Doesn't Make Sense

I came home from work, grabbed my Bible, journal and a book and headed to the park to sit by the lake and.... listen. I felt like I should pray but didn't know where to start and felt more compelled to just sit still and listen and write. Whoever coined the phrase "When it rains it pours" hit the nail on the head. It seems that it sometimes works that way. And right now it's not so much my life as the lives of those around me that seems to be crashing in and God doesn't make sense. And what do you say?! I for one am not a fan of the "Sunday school answers" because sometimes "God is in control" isn't always the most comforting thing to hear, however true it is. Sometimes I have to ask "Why?". And sometimes I have to express my frustrations with God. He's God, and He's big enough to handle our frustrations and anger. And even though His plans are sometimes hard to see and figure out, I don't think that He sits in Heaven trying to hide things from us and play games. He wants to share with us but in our human minds and limited visibility, we aren't going to understand some things this side of heaven. That's just a cold, hard fact. Today was a day that I couldn't find anything in the Bible that expressed how I felt except for the book of Job. God allowed Job to ask and be upset. And when he was all done, God spoke. And though I'm sure Job still had many questions, that was enough. So... ask questions, scream at the top of your lungs, cry until you can't anymore and then when you've shared all your frustration with Him, allow Him to wrap His love around you like a hug and listen.

So "American"

I went tubing with some friends the other day on the Chattahoochee River. As we were floating along, my friend Amber made the comment "This is so American. Only an American would come up with something like this". And as I thought about it, I realized she's probably right. And I think that's one of the things I love about summer. I'm adventurous and love to travel. I love all things international. But at the end of the day, I'm an all-American girl. And summer brings out the American in me. I love camping and roasting hot dogs and making s'mores. I love the ocean but I'll take the lake any day too. I think everyone needs a little culture in their life and I'm definitely all for seeing the world. But as I stood on my back porch last night spitting watermelon seeds into the grass, I once again thought how American I truly am. :)

This Land is Your Land, This Land is My Land...

I love this day. I have so many great childhood memories of July 4th. We would get up and head out town for the community parade. We always sat in the same spot every year with the same people. It was great. In fact, to this day, when I go home on the 4th, I have to sit in that same spot to watch the parade. Otherwise, it's just not the parade like it should be. Funny, I love change but I love family traditions as well. :)

Then, we would head to Gram's or Uncle Paul's for lunch and most of the afternoon. I love family and we spent a lot of time with family.

We had our spot to watch the fireworks from as well. We called it the Sjoberg's spot because a lot of our family all sat there. One of our traditions again. When I was really little, fireworks scared me but they soon became one of my favorite parts.

But for as much as I love the traditional 4th of July events, I love this day because it reminds me of the freedom of the great country that I live in. I was raised very patriotic. I have many family members that have served our country in one branch of the military or another. I cry when I see soldiers march by or when I hear the National Anthem or "God Bless the USA". The 4th means so much more than parades and fireworks. Yes, it's a celebration. It's a party for our country. But price for our freedom was great.

So enjoy this day! Enjoy the traditions! Love being with family and friends! And, if given the chance, thank a soldier!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Family, Friends, Maine and Moose

cont.....

For All My Girls!

A little girl about 4 years old came into the bank the other day with her mother. On her head she wore a silver tinted plastic crown with large colorful jewels. I leaned over the counter, looked into her dancing eyes and asked "Are you a princess?" Immediately an ear-to-ear smile broke out across her face and she said "Yes" and did a little twirl. I couldn't help but smile back at her. She is so young and innocent and playing the role that we all wish to play.
When I was young I loved to play dress up. Sometimes I was Mary Poppins or Marie from the "Sound of Music". And some days I wanted to be tough like a boy and I would play the role of a game warden or police officer. But my favorite dress up days were the days that my mom would let me put on her wedding dress and I would walk up and down the upstairs hallway pretending that I was getting married. For a few moments I felt "like a princess".
If you read my blogs on any kind of a consistent basis, you'll notice that I talk about this kind of thing quite a bit. But there's a reason. I think that too many girls these days have forgotten what it was like to want to be the princess. Listen to the words from one of Taylor Swifts most recent songs:
"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale, I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.... and it's too late for you and your white horse to come around".
We've been hurt and often at a young age. And the idea of "Prince Charming" has long since been forgotten. And every once in a while, we need to be reminded of the dreams we once had.
For me, it's the little four-year-old face that I can't forget smiling up and me and twirling with her crown on.

Something Worth Fighting For...

Most times it's really hard for me to ask GOD to teach me something when I am in the middle of a difficult or uncomfortable situation. And lately things have been... difficult. After weeks of frustration and confusion and possibly some anger, I asked GOD what HE wanted me to learn from all of this, and immediately HE began to show me things.

Sometimes GOD brings hard things into our lives for the sole purpose of drawing us closer to HIMSELF. And that is not an easy thing to accept because not only was it difficult getting there, but we have to face the reality of how far we have drifted. It's never easy, but I'm learning a lot and being drawn closer to the ONE that loves me for exactly who I am and pursues my heart everyday. Because I'm worth the pursuit!

Today was an absolutely beautiful day.... It was about 90. I spent most of the day at the park. Below are a couple of pics from the Soiree in Downtown Anderson this morning. The horses are the Budweiser Clydesdale horses.

Just When You Think You've Seen It All...

While standing in the check-out line this afternoon, I saw a booklet entitled "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Prayer and Devotions". REALLY?! I'm not going to go on forever on this one and rant and rave or anything, but is this really necessary? Has the world complicated a relationship with GOD to the point that someone actually needs a pamphlet to tell them how to pray and read the Bible?
I'll be the first to admit that my devotional life is often not what it should be and my relationship with GOD sometimes leaves a lot to be desired. However, over the years I have found that GOD is really very easy to talk to and HE is always ready and willing to listen to us and take us back. Reading the Bible might seems like work at times, but if you can read.....
Just thought I'd throw this out there.

Recent Getaway...

Just returned from a few days on the beaches of the Gulf Coast and some fabulous time with family. Loved every minute of it... returning to reality was difficult at best.

Florida Pictures

And More...