How many times in life has this crossed your mind, "Well, that didn't turn out like I thought it would"? If you're like me, it happens quite frequently. And if you know me, you know that I don't really plan a whole lot. And I definitely don't plan very far in advance. Why? Because I've learned through experience that life rarely turns out "like I planned". Now don't get me wrong, I understand that there are things that require planning. But planning requires commitment and that is where I freeze up. I think part of the reason I have such a hard time committing to things is because somewhere deep down I have a fear that they will fail. And I'll be left once more standing in the dust wondering what happened and why I bothered. I'm not legitimizing my fear, I'm just once again acknowledging it and perhaps getting a bit closer to figuring it out and facing it head on.
I also like having options and change and keeping possibilities open. It's for this reason that it's always hard for me when a "chapter" closes. When the page turns and it's time to move on with no going back, I start to get a little nostalgic. (By the way, I always hate getting to the end of a good book.) I'm one of those people that likes to walk down memory lane a lot. Some might find this strange since I'm also constantly trying to see around the next bend in the road. But I think we all have been guilty of not enjoying things "in the moment" as much as we should. Memories can be a wonderful thing or a nightmare. Either way, they seem to haunt us and make letting go that much more difficult. And whether we like it or not or are ready for it or not, chapters close, life goes on.
For reasons I won't go into, today was a tough day for me. It was a day of closing chapters and moving on. But here's the thing, even when a chapter closes, that's not the end of the book. You just have to keep reading and see what happens...
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