Over the last few weeks I have attempted to put some of 2012 into words and write my thoughts down. But there are times in life when there are no words. You can't explain how you feel no matter how hard you try and expressing from a heart that is hurting is sometimes too overwhelming. So I have decided to look back on the year and focus more on the memories that I have, for those are the things that I want to hold onto in the years to come.
I had the opportunity to help with the care of my sweet grandmother as she spent her last few months on earth. There were some difficult and sad moments to be sure but mostly what I will remember are the funny things she said and did and her unfailing love for GOD even to the very end. She was one of the most godly women I have ever known and she left a legacy that will live on for generations to come. As my cousin said, "she left big shoes to fill".
In her final months and weeks, I would read her devotions with her and she would often quote the scripture along with me. We would sing old hymns together and she still knew the words - even though she didn't know who most of her family was. And she never forgot GOD. Her prayers reflected that. As I would help her into bed some nights I would ask her if she wanted to pray and she always said yes. Sometimes she would get a little distracted but for the most part her prayers were the most lucid conversations that she would have all day. She knew who GOD was. He was her anchor when nothing else around her looked familiar. And that kind of faith isn't something you pick up overnight. That kind of faith comes from a lifelong relationship with your Creator and Lover of your Soul. It is rooted so deep that even when your body and mind are failing, you still have a Hope.
God called Gram home in 2012. At 94 years of age she had lived a long and wonderful life and it was time for her to move on to eternity. Of course there was sadness but mostly there was rejoicing that her struggles were over and she was face to face with her Savior.
I come from a large family - on both sides. I have a lot of first cousins. And I am privileged to know each and every one of them.
This past summer I spent a weekend with my aunt and her family at their camp on the lake. We went swimming and boating. Had BBQs and water balloon fights. And just enjoyed a lazy weekend. It was so much fun and I have great memories of those couple of days. Memories that I will carry with me forever. Mostly because that was the last time I saw my cousin Aaron.
To say that I am proud of Aaron would be an understatement. And I will share with you why. But first let me share with you the Aaron that I knew.
Aaron was fun to be around. He was a tease and he had the greatest laugh when something struck him as funny. He was laid back and very little seemed to stress him out or get him worked up. He was attentive - to everyone but especially to his family. He was a great conversationalist and when he asked you a question, he really wanted to know the answer. He genuinely cared about others. He was selfless. He was kind. He was hard working. He was an all around great guy.
I will especially remember all the times he would give me a "hard time" about something just to see how fast I would have a comeback. And then he would laugh and wait for the next opportune moment to start all over again. I miss that.
I was proud of Aaron before October 2, 2012. In 2000 he made the decision to serve his country and he did it well. He found his calling and he stepped up to that call over and over again. He was a great soldier. But his calling asked the highest price. And he gave it...and was welcomed into the arms of his Savior.
Even as I write these words I have a hard time believing that he is gone. It's strange how your heart can be so full of pride and hurt all at the same time. These are those moments. The ones that there are no words for. The ones that you want so badly to express how you feel but you can't. And so I share memories. The ones that I will hold near and dear to my heart forever.
As a new year begins there are many things to look forward to and there will be lots of new memories made. But I don't think I day will go by that these two dear people won't cross my mind. They lived their lives to the fullest and that is what they would encourage everyone to do. I want to make 2013 a year of making the moments I'm given count.
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