Master of What?

Excuse me for a moment while I get on my soapbox. I’d like to speak on behalf of all of those, myself included, that don’t have a piece of paper that says we went to college for four or more years, studied a specific subject and are now “experts” in said field and therefore are more knowledgeable and more capable of handling a job in that area. This is one of those things that just annoys me to no end. And I’ll tell you why.

There is a lot of pressure on teenagers as they finish high school to figure out what they want to do. But how many times do people change their mind during college and switch majors? And how many times do people change careers? Why is there so much pressure to “figure out” our lives?

Speaking as one who has changed her mind several times over the years, I’m glad that I didn’t go to college and get a degree….yet. I’m not apposed to the idea, I just don’t want to waste time and money trying to figure it out when I could be living my life and earning money while I explore the options. I like the ideas of internships and apprenticeships. Why don’t we do that more often? See, I’m a hands-on learner. I don’t do very well trying to learn from a book. I have to be doing and seeing in order for things to sink in and make sense to me. But I’m also a fast learner, so it works for me. The tough part sometimes is finding someone who is not only willing to teach you, but a good teacher as well.

If you get done with high school and you don’t know what you want to do, maybe you should just take some time off and work and figure some things out. Find an area you have an interest in and get a job in that area. Then, if you love it, go to school. On the other hand, if you hate it, cross it off your list and move on. Don’t beat yourself up and think that you’ve just wasted time. No, quite the contrary, you’ve found something that you can cross off your list so you can go to the next interest. I’ve heard the excuses as well, “Well, if I don’t just go to school now and get it over with then I’m afraid I’ll lose my motivation and never go”. If that’s your thinking, then you’ve got bigger problems in the “lack of motivation” department that needs work. Or, “If I go to school now or go to this specific school then my parents will pay for it. Otherwise, I’ll have to go it alone”. Then go it alone! You’re an adult now and it’s time you started acting like one. Who cares if you accrue some debt along the way? It’s smart debt that you’ll pay off with a job and if you die, the government writes it off. It’s a pretty good deal if you think about it. Debt doesn’t have to be an omen hanging over your head. Most people have some. Some have a lot. Truthfully, I’d rather have debt and live my life to the fullest then concentrate on just eliminating it and miss out on opportunities. (I realize all the Dave Ramsey followers are shaking their heads right now, but that’s okay. They’ll live.)

I’m in my mid-twenties and there are so many things about my life that I have not yet figured out. But there are a lot of roads that I know I don’t want to go down. How? Because I’ve been there and learned that those particular directions are not for me. And really that is one of the best ways to learn. You have to get out and try things in order to know who you are. Sure, it can be painful. Often is actually. And it can be very frustrating too. But these are the things that shape us into who we are.

So if you find yourself frustrated with where you’re going, or not going. And if you’re tired of people wondering what you’re doing wandering around trying to figure out your life, know that you aren’t alone. There are lots of people in that same boat. And at this point in my life, I’d rather be in the boat going somewhere then stuck on land wishing I were at sea.

Here’s an excerpt from one of my favorite books: 

Congratulations!

Today is your day!

You’re off to great places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go…

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there”. With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town…

And will you succeed?

Yes, you will indeed.

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed).

Kid, you’ll move mountains…

Today is your day.

Your mountain is waiting.

So… get on your way. ~Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go

Just Part of the Story

How many times in life has this crossed your mind, "Well, that didn't turn out like I thought it would"? If you're like me, it happens quite frequently. And if you know me, you know that I don't really plan a whole lot. And I definitely don't plan very far in advance. Why? Because I've learned through experience that life rarely turns out "like I planned". Now don't get me wrong, I understand that there are things that require planning. But planning requires commitment and that is where I freeze up. I think part of the reason I have such a hard time committing to things is because somewhere deep down I have a fear that they will fail. And I'll be left once more standing in the dust wondering what happened and why I bothered. I'm not legitimizing my fear, I'm just once again acknowledging it and perhaps getting a bit closer to figuring it out and facing it head on. 

I also like having options and change and keeping possibilities open. It's for this reason that it's always hard for me when a "chapter" closes. When the page turns and it's time to move on with no going back, I start to get a little nostalgic. (By the way, I always hate getting to the end of a good book.) I'm one of those people that likes to walk down memory lane a lot. Some might find this strange since I'm also constantly trying to see around the next bend in the road. But I think we all have been guilty of not enjoying things "in the moment" as much as we should. Memories can be a wonderful thing or a nightmare. Either way, they seem to haunt us and make letting go that much more difficult. And whether we like it or not or are ready for it or not, chapters close, life goes on. 

For reasons I won't go into, today was a tough day for me. It was a day of closing chapters and moving on. But here's the thing, even when a chapter closes, that's not the end of the book. You just have to keep reading and see what happens...

 

When It's Time To Move

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the ideas of moving and home and finding ones place in the world. I recently had a conversation with a friend and we both admitted that neither one of us feels like where we are is "home" right now, but we're not sure that where we came from is either. And I'm of the school of thinking that until you find something that makes you happy or until you know that where you are is where you're supposed to be for a while, then keep moving. And as we move, God will do things and show us things along the way. 

This morning I was reading in the book of Joshua (one of my faves) and some of the verses that I have loved for years, hit me in a new and different way. When God asks us to go somewhere or do something, we need to keep moving until we get there. When the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, that was a big "God thing". But they didn't stop and dwell on it for too long. They sang a song and kept going. However, when they crossed the (much smaller) Jordan River into the land that was to be theirs, God asked them to make a memorial to remember what He had done there. This may same strange, but I think it was because they had "arrived". They were finally where God wanted them to be. The things He had done for them along the way were big and I'm sure that He didn't want them to forget the miracles and lessons, but they were still on the move. God had much more in store for them and needed them to keep going. 

Sometimes we get caught up in all the "big" things that God has done and we think we need to stop and reflect and make a "memorial". We almost look at it as a time to rest from where we're going and what we're doing when in reality, God wants us to keep moving. If we're following Him, it makes sense that He's going to be doing things all along the way. That's one of the ways we know that we're going in the right direction. But sometimes we just need to "sing a song" and keep walking. Thank Him for what He's done, how He's provided and remember when you come to your next challenge, He's still going to be there and "He's got this one".

Some Of God's Greatest Gifts

Currently watching the movie "Unanswered Prayers" based on the Garth Brooks song. Not really a Garth fan but I've always liked this song. Reason being, we all have those things in life that we thought we wanted at the time but as we look back we're so thankful we didn't get. I may only be in my mid 20's but there are definitely things that I'm thankful were "unanswered prayers". It's kind of interesting to think about all the things that I thought I wanted at some point. Some are funny, some are not. Some are just plain ridiculous. But whatever the case, I'm glad God had a better plan.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers,
Remember when you're talkin' the the Man upstairs,
That just because He doesn't answer doesn't mean He don't care,
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. ~Garth Brooks

That time of year once again...

I think one of the reasons I love Thanksgiving so much is that it's such a neutral holiday. It's not political or religious. You don't have to feel the need to buy any gifts for anyone. It's just a good day to appreciate what you already have and hopefully be with people that you love and care about.
It's snowing here today in Pennsylvania. I remember growing up in Maine, one of the things that we always looked forward to on Thanksgiving was ice skating. We hoped that the water filled trench out back or the pond or something was frozen enough that we could skate.
I don't think we ever had one set place to have Thanksgiving dinner. It seems like it was held somewhere different every year. But it was always with family and that made it the best no matter what.
I love to watch the parade Thanksgiving morning. I can remember when I was little Gram would always call the house in the morning to see if we were watching the Parade.
I think Thanksgiving was usually the first day that "The Grinch" was on tv.
It's also the day that sort of ushers in the Christmas season for me. I absolutely cannot get into the Christmas mood until after Thanksgiving.
Ever year, if I stop and count my blessings there is always so much to be thankful for in my life and around me.
This year I'm thankful for change and the possibility of what life holds when we are willing and able to move with that change. After all, it's a great big wonderful world out there.

Life Happens

When life happens, I blog. It’s one of the ways that I deal with things. Somehow, it helps to get my thoughts and feelings out. And whether or not another soul ever reads them is beside the point. It makes me feel better just knowing that I have been able to express myself.

But there comes a time when even those of us that like to convey things through writing, need to time to collect our thoughts, process life and deal with the overwhelming feelings. The past couple of weeks has been one of those times.

I had a lot of time to think the past few days as I drove home for a funeral that I hoped would never actually come. I’ve relived a lot of memories from the past fifteen years. I’ve laughed. I’ve cried. I’ve hugged my family and my friends. I’ve reevaluated life. And I’m still not sure that what is in my head is going to come out in the way that I want it to, but I’m going to try.

On November 2, 2010 1^st Lt. James Zimmerman was killed in the line of duty in Afghanistan. He was a Marine and a darn good one at that. And being a Marine was what James had always wanted to do. No one could have ever talked him out of it. According to those that served with him, the heat of the battle was when he really shined. And I have no trouble believing that, because that is the James that I knew.

I first met James in 5^th grade. We were 10 years-old and attending a very small Christian school meant that you knew everyone in your class. James and I graduated together. The years between 5^th and 12^th grade could be defined as “love/hate” years. Sometimes we got along great and other times we were at each others throats. But at the end of the day, we had each others’ back and we were always still friends.

Many people over the last couple of weeks have talked about James’ smile. It was his trademark and very infectious. I remember when I first met him I thought he had the biggest smile and the most freckles I’d ever seen. And he definitely had a way of making friends and helping everyone feel welcome.

Last Thursday, the day of James’ funeral, was a very painful day. But as it was put during the service, “our hearts were sad but bursting with pride”. I graduated in a class of thirteen and ten of us were there. I don’t think that any of us thought that we wouldn’t make it to our ten year reunion without us all being around for it. But that’s life. And it rarely happens the way that we think it will.

But through the pain and sadness and not understanding why, I’ve thought about James’ enthusiasm for life and how he would definitely remind us all to live life to the fullest, to have fun, to challenge ourselves and to love those around us. That’s who he was. And it may seem cliché to put it that way, but I think that every now and then we all need to be reminded of that. Life is short. We don’t know how much time we have so we should be living the life that we want - one that, if our time stopped today, others could look at and know that we gave it our all.

James gave his all. He laid down his life for his friends. He died doing what he believed in and we are all truly grateful and thankful to him. I’m proud to have known him and called him a friend.

“Dance like no one is watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like no one is listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.” ~William Purkey

Enough Said

"So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family, that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty. All other pacts of love or fear derive from it and are modeled upon it."
~Long, Haniel

Grasping the Wonderful

My mother used to say, "don't worry, life isn't passing you by" when I had one of those days where I felt like I was missing out on, well, life. This generally pertained to travel and the fact that I want to travel all over, just haven't done it yet. But recently I got to thinking about life and all that we miss out on because we wait too long. Why is it that some of us have the mentality that there might always be something better out there? Especially when something wonderful is right in front of us. They say that if you sit on the tracks too long you'll get run over, but if you sit beside the tracks too long, amazing opportunities will pass you by. Life is happening now. We can't wait for it to start. It already has and if you aren't living it, you're missing out.

Rain in the Poconos

I woke up this morning to the sound of the pouring rain. I love it. Especially when I don't have to be up for anything. Rainy days are great for just staying in and reading a book or watching a movie. And a good rain storm up here in the Pocono Mountains is the best.

Quick update for those that read this more for life updates than my random thoughts. :) I am still at Camp Ladore in Waymart, PA. Ladore has a year round conference center where I have been working for the last few weeks. Starting next week, I will be taking on a full-time position there as the resident host. So this is where I'll be through the winter.

Speaking of winter, I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the cold and snow. I haven't lived north of the Mason-Dixon line for a few years. And even when I live in Maine, I never liked the cold, so it's going to be a change.

If you know me very well though, you know that I love Camp Ladore. It's one of my favorite places. So I'm excited to be here for the next few months. And if you find yourself in northeast Pennsylvania, come visit. :)

isn't she lovely

Colleen & David's Wedding 9-4-10

The bicycle built for two...

Scars

A couple weeks ago I sliced my finger open while making dinner. I'm not one to rush to the ER for cuts and scrapes. And being the bull-headed, independent person that I am, I was determined to just take care of it myself. But the truth is, it probably needed a stitch or two. Now, over two weeks later, it's still healing and there is definitely going to be a scar. A constant reminder of my stubbornness. I looked at it the other day and thought about the fact that if I have gone to the doctor and had it stitched, the scar would be smaller and less noticeable.

Here's a truth about life: it hurts! We all get hurt and hurt others at some point. And the blows we receive can be physical or emotional. Sometimes they are at the hands of others and sometimes they are due to the choices that we ourselves made. But how we deal with those hurts will determine the size of the scar that is left behind. Sometimes when things go wrong, we blame God or get angry with Him. But truthfully our hurts can usually be traced back to selfishness, stubbornness or our need for independence. And if we go to God with the hurt and the pain and the bleeding, He will help us heal. That doesn't mean He works magic and makes it all go away. There are still consequences. Healing will still take time. And there will still be scars. But they serve as reminds of lessons we've learned and God's grace along the way.

Not The Breath You Take

I've spent the last couple of weeks driving all over the eastern and midwestern sections of the country. I've been around my amazing family more than I usually am. I've watched my younger sister get married. I saw the sunset in front of me as I drove through the flat lands of Indiana. I took in the beauty of the Amish country in Ohio and apprecaited the beauty of Maine and New England all over again. And tonight the skyline of Philadelphia never looked so welcoming as I came "home".

George Strait has a new song that I heard a couple of times in the last 24 hours. It's a spin off the saying, "Life's not about the breath you take, but the moments that take your breath away". There have been a lot of "breath taking moments" for me as of late and I think that I'm finally coming to appreciate life in the here and now as it happens instead of constantly living in the future. And it's a great feeling!

Where I've Been and Who I Am

I've found myself sitting in front of my computer the last couple of days, staring at the screen, trying to figure out how to get the stuff that's in my head out. Sometimes the words flow freely and other times, not so much. That's doesn't mean that I don't have things that I want to share, but sometimes I'm not sure how to share them.

Here's an attempt...

Ever heard the saying "Never forget where you came from and who you represent"? I'm not sure if that's exactly how it goes, but that's the idea. But here's the thing, everyone should come to a point in their life where they establish who they are as a person and where they are going with that. And sometimes the "where we came from" is not at all who we are today. Don't jump to conclusions yet. I'm not saying that where we came from doesn't play a fairly big role in who we are today. It most certainly does. But as we continue on this journey through life and go through different experiences than our family and friends that we were once around, our outlook on the world can, and often does, change. And we find ourselves looking at the world through different eyes than perhaps those that we grew up with. And I think that we generally look to surround ourselves with people that think like we do. People who see the world from a similar point of view. People who understand us. And it makes sense really. 

We are all at different stages of our life journey. Some people move more quickly than others. Some manage to make it through without much influence from the outside world while others are bogged down. Some have a cynical outlook due to experiences and circumstances and some still see the world through "rose colored glasses". And I don't know about you, but I find myself in a very different place than that of my family and people that I grew up around. And although I think this is pretty normal, it's not always easy. It can make it difficult to carry on conversations and share thoughts and feelings when your worldview is so different. I don't share the same views as my family on a lot of things - religion, politics and just how I view the world on a daily basis. Of course, there's also the fact that my worldview changes continually. What I believe today may change tomorrow. But I'm open to change. I like to hear others' thoughts and opinions and beliefs. It doesn't mean that I'll instantly join "your side" but who knows how it might influence me in the future. And I'm okay with you not being in agreement with me. In fact, you shouldn't be. Somewhere in the back of your mind, questions should be forming all the time about life and where you stand with things.

I guess what I'm saying is this, where we come from is important. It plays a big part in shaping us. But at some point we all need to become our own person. And this often starts with questions. Questions about what we've been taught and told to be true. And it's okay to ask questions. It's normal. So although we never truly forget where we come from, we may come to the point of realizing that it's in the past and it's not who we are today.

I'm not really going anywhere with this...

I have to believe that we are were we are for a reason at the time that we are there. Sometimes that reason is not at all evident at the time and sometimes we question the timing of things and sometimes life just doesn't make sense, but in the larger picture, there's a plan. We are all a piece of the puzzle. And we are all here "for such a time as this". 

Just needed to put that out there today and leave it at that.

For Lack of Inspiration

Lately my most inspiring moments have come at the most inopportune times. Meaning, I don't have the time or the ability to sit down and write when I want to. So, thoughts of late...

"Your heart is free, have the courage to follow to it." (Thanks, Greg) Love this quote and often find myself referring to it in life. I love that it can go so many directions. For those of us that find ourselves "wandering" through life looking for the our place, the next adventure or maybe just a change of pace, we know that sometimes the direction is made pretty clear and other times we just follow our heart. 

Getting to know someone, letting them get close and even loving them can be dangerous. There's always the risk that someone is going to get hurt. But the risk of not loving is perhaps even greater because you may end up missing out on what could be a huge blessing and one of the greatest things to happen to you here and now. 

Season or Reason. Camp provides the opportunity to meet so many people. And sometimes I find myself wondering about why God brings certain individuals into our lives at the times that He does. Is it for a reason? Most likely. And sometimes that reason is pretty obvious. Other times, not so much. Or we may not see it until further on down the road. And then there are those that are just for a season, a little while. They aren't going to be a major part of your life for long and you may never speak to them again. It may seem strange even that you met them, but perhaps they needed you for a bit. And some seem to be for a season, they go as quickly as they came, and yet, there may still be a greater purpose.

Lack of Theology and Politics. Okay, so I don't really have no Theological stand point, but it's constantly changing and evolving. It's becoming harder and harder to pin me down on any one issue or topic. Why? Because I'm not one of those people that is convinced that I'm right. I know I don't have all the answers. And I often find myself reading a part of Scripture that I've read a hundred times before and interpreting it differently than I've seen it the last several times. Also, I love it when someone pulls out some seemingly random story from the Bible (the Old Testament is great) and puts a whole new spin on it. Or makes you think about a familiar story from a different stand point. 

Politics, I really do lack a lot of opinion in that area. Mainly because I don't care. Maybe I should, but I'm okay with being in the middle of road on that one with no real conviction one way or the other. Perhaps when I get old and more stubborn I'll decide to take an interest. Maybe.

The Winds of Change

Remember the part of Mary Poppins when she says, "I'll stay until the wind changes"? For some reason I got thinking about that line the other day and thought that it's kinda like me. I seem to stay somewhere "until the wind changes". And I've decided that that doesn't have to be a bad thing. In fact, it can be good. Sometimes we are only in a place or certain peoples lives for a season and maybe a reason, and then it's time to move on to whatever may be next. I guess I'm in that part of my life right now. Do I think it will last? Do I plan on moving all over for the rest of my life? I doubt it. But for now, I'll just stay until the winds of change blow me somewhere else.

Still Alive...

....and I know that I've been terrible at communication with so many of you. Life is good and camp is going well. I love my job, especially since I get to spend about 80% of my time outside. It's great. The weather has been wonderful which has been helpful as well. That's all for now. Sorry for the brief update.

Lost in the Busyness

Life has been crazy and busy and thus I've lacked the motivation to write for a while. Sorry to those of you that do check this on a somewhat regular basis.

It's hard to believe I've been in PA for a month now. What's even harder to believe is that it's been only a month and a half since I left SC.... that feels like an eternity ago.

Life is about to get busier and crazier but I'm looking forward to what the summer holds. Hoping to see some South Carolina friends this week.

I'll try to get some actual thoughts up here at some point in the near future... Trust me, there's still lots going through me head at all times. :)

Five Years from Now....

It's funny that when you're 18, graduating High School and heading off into the world, you think "Where will I be in five years?" and then you think of all the possibilities. For whatever reason I got to thinking about this last night and thought about the fact that I've passed that particular five year mark. Strange. And then I thought over the last seven years since I left high school and stepped out into "the world". Probably I wouldn't have said that I'd be where I am right now, but I'm happy with my life. I really have no complaints and I've accomplished things. I haven't accomplished some of the things that I thought I was going to but where I've been, what I've done and who I've met have made me who I am right now and I'm more than okay with that.

Where will I be five years from now?! No idea. I don't plan that far ahead. :)

Takes Me Back

It amazes me how strong the sense of smell can be when it comes to triggering memories.

I arrived in Waymart, Pennsylvania last night at the beautiful Camp Ladore. Today I took a walk around and it struck me that camp always smells the same. It smells just like it did my very first summer and that was 7 years ago. And as I walked around and took things in, there are a lot of things that have changed over the years and camp looks a bit different then it did that first summer. But the fact that it smells the same brought back so many memories.

Funny isn't it?! I love smells that bring back good memories - baked beans in the oven, fresh bread, cut grass in the summer, the ocean. I think everyone can think of smells that bring back those great memories. And for a moment in time we are transported back to a simpler or maybe even a better time. And just as smells can take us back to a wonderful place, they can also dredge up memories from the past that we have tried to forget. And in that same instant, we are in a place that we don't want to be with a past that haunts us.

But for today, as I walked around the lake and took it all in, I remembered all the good memories that I have from here and all the great friends I've made over the years. And for a few moments, all was right in the world and life was as it should be.

What Captures My Heart....

Today, Daniel (my 2 year-old cousin) smiled at me when I walked into the room and said "I remember you". And I melted. He went down for a nap and when he woke up, I had gone. He called me and asked me where I was and why did I leave. Love it! Kids are always so honest and state whatever is in their heads. Sometimes, you feel about knee high after being around them and other times, they make you feel extra special. That was how I felt today. 

Before I left South Carolina, Emma, who's 3, gave me lots of hugs, told me she'd miss me and even asked me if she could go with me. She and I are somewhat kindred spirits and I will miss her. :)

They say that home is where your heart is, but I think it's also where you feel loved. It's where you are appreciated, cherished and wanted. Sometimes one's heart can be in more places than just one. And when kids steal your heart, as they have a way of doing, part of you will always feel at home wherever they may be. 

Beyond Blessed

I left work yesterday feeling truly overwhelmed and very loved. At times, the two little words of "Thank You" don't seem like they are enough. I had the chance to work with some really wonderful people and I had some great customers. All will be missed, probably more than they know. And from the very bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

Memories, Changes and Thanks

Tomorrow morning I will get in my car, drive to Homeland Park and go to work just like I have for the last two years. However, at the end of the day I will count down my drawer, hand in my keys and walk out the door for the last time. Tomorrow will be my last day at the bank. It's hard to believe I've been there for over two years now. Quick recap, I moved to South Carolina in August 2007 on a bit of a whim and a need for adventure. I thought that finding a job was going to be easy but that wasn't the case at all. I had no job at all for about a month and a half and then part-time employment until March 2008. When I started at the bank I was never so glad to see a Monday - Friday, 8-5 job. 

Tomorrow, and this weekend, will be a time of mixed emotions. I'm excited about change and moving on. But there's a piece of my heart here and I'll be leaving that behind. I think that, unless you are truly a heartless person, you can't spend any significant amount of time anywhere without developing some sort of attachment. 

If I were to start a list of personal "Thank Yous" here, it would take up quite a bit of time and space. And anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not really one for "Good-Byes". So this isn't going to be a long, drawn-out message. But allow me to say this:

There have been many people that have had an impact on my life during the last two and half years. Some more than others, but all have been important. If you're reading this, you most likely are in that group. It's amazing how the heart expands and makes room for all the people in our lives. And my heart has certainly grown bigger. I have appreciated the southern hospitality, all of the "Yank" jokes I've endured, your patience, kindness, support and love. Please know that you all will be remembered and loved forever.

I'm really not a "Good-Bye" person but more of a "See You Later" kind of girl. Things may be changing right now, but change can be good and life will most likely bring us together again in the future. 

Thanks for the memories and here's to all the new ones yet to come. :)

Glimpses of Eternity

I've probably mentioned this before, but I love CBS Sunday Morning. They usually have great stories and interesting features. This morning the focus was on outer space. Is there life out there? How many planets and galaxies are there that we know nothing about? And as they were discussing all of this and showing some amazing pictures that have been taken, one scientist made a comment that struck me. He said "no imagination could have come up with this". I thought about that for a minute and then thought, "But an imagination did come up with it and then spoke it into existence". And then I got thinking about God's imagination. We humans have been given great minds - some more than others. Think about all the things that we've thought about and come up with and dreamed up over the centuries. Some things are out of needs, others of wants and some are just plain crazy but nevertheless, we've used our imagination. Now, if we are created in the image of God, then doesn't it make sense that God also has an imagination?! And since everything about God is on a much grander scale, then how big must His imagination be! Looking at space is such a great and amazing thing and reminds me of how big my God is. But it also shows how creative He is. He thought up the earth and all that surrounds it and there may be far more out there that we as humans know nothing about. And I don't mean aliens. But there my be planets and galaxies that we haven't seen yet. And the great part is we have an eternity to explore and discover. 

I have thoughts and ideas of what I think eternity might be like. I could be way off, but what if we're able to just think about a place and be there. And what will a new heaven and a new earth be like? Honestly, the thought of living forever and ever is really mind blowing and almost scary but I'm pretty confident that we won't be bored. Because think about this, God existed before the beginning and He's going to be there throughout eternity. Now, since He was before the beginning that we know, and since I think that He has a pretty amazing imagination, I don't believe that He was bored or uncreative before the world began and I don't think He's going to send us into a boring eternity. I know some people that believe that we're just going to worship God before His throne for ever and ever because we'll just be so thankful for all He did for us. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way down playing Christ's sacrifice for us on the cross. It was and always will be the best and most amazing demonstration of Love ever. And I think that when we get to Heaven there will be plenty of praising and worshiping and honoring. But I also am one to believe that there will be other things to do. God made us all special and unique. We are different from the angels and I believe we always will be. We are creative. We are adventurous. We are curious. And although I think that once we get to Heaven a lot of our questions from earth will be answered, maybe we'll have new questions. Doesn't it make sense that there will be new things to discover if there's a new Heaven and a new Earth? And what fun would it be if we just knew everything and sat around? If you know me, you know that I love to travel and plan to do a lot of it if I can. I also plan to travel after my time on this earth ends and I think it will be much easier since things like money and security won't be an issue. I hope to see new and amazing things and get a better idea of just how great God's imagination truly is.

You may not agree with me and that's fine. I might have lost you somewhere in the reading of this and that's okay too. But just think for a moment about how great God really is and if you find yourself forgetting, take some time to look at pictures from outer space or just looking up at a clear, night sky and try to count the stars.

The Stuff Dreams are Made Of

Today I sat on the living room floor and sorted through drawers of stuff that I've collected over the years. I feel like I've been cleaning for weeks and I'm not done yet. It's amazing all the junk that we can accumulate over time. And I'm just one person in a little apartment who still has boxes in storage in her parents attic. I hate think about packing up a whole house and family. That's probably one of the reasons I don't have those things yet. Maybe someday. My mother made the comment to me that perhaps a time will come when I will settle in one place and have a house and not have to move this stuff around (is she hinting about the boxes in the attic??). :) As I made piles of things - save, sell, throw - I thought about the meaning of the things I have. Some of it might look like junk to any other person, but it has some meaning or sentimental value to me. And so, it goes where I go. But the things that matter the most to me aren't things that can be packed in boxes and placed in storage. In fact, they aren't things at all. 

Two and a half years ago, I set out on a journey. I didn't know what would happen, but I knew that I needed change and to find some things on my own. I moved, sight unseen, to a town and an area where, at the time, I knew only five people. I had no job, no car and no idea what was going to happen. And truth be told, the first few months were the hardest months of my life. Nothing really turned out like I planned, but I learned a lot through it all. I learned more about myself, my God, my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my family. I have an amazing family. I know I've said that before, but it's true. My parents have loved and supported me through all my wandering and random ideas and chasing of dreams. My siblings and I always pick up right where we left off and we have so much fun together. I have the best aunts and uncles and cousins that anyone could ask for. And my grandmother is amazing. Every time I go home she reminds me that she prays for us all and I know she does. And heaven knows we need it.

I think that it took this move for me to truly appreciate my family for who they are and all that they do. I'm not the type to really ever get homesick, but there have been times over the last two years that being so far away was more than difficult. Over time, things change. People get older. Families expand. Kids grow up. And I realize these things are inevitable and happen no matter where we are, but I came to a point of realizing that what I'd left behind was more important to me than I had originally thought. 

I'm still me. I'm still adventurous, still random and definitely still chasing dreams. I hope that I always do. I still have plans to travel the world and I still have several different jobs I think I want to do and lots of things to learn and discover. The thought of settling down still makes me claustrophobic and I will forever love the call of the open road. It's time for a new adventure, a little bit closer to home. Two weeks from now I'll be in a different state, setting out on a new journey. And as always, I'm really excited. I love change. But as I pack up my stuff and look to the horizon, the most important things I take are the memories of the past and hopes for the future. Because those are the things that make up my dreams.

The Smell of Fresh Cut Grass and Sunshine

Absolutely LOVE this time of year! The days are longer, it's warmer in the morning when I leave for work, the air smells fresh and summer is not too far away. It's great. It's also hard to be inside all day long when it's so nice outside. Today I went to the Post Office on my lunch break and truly wanted to just keep driving and enjoy the day. I've always been an outdoor girl - walking, hiking, camping. I actually like mowing lawns. Strange, huh? And I'd love to go camping right about now. The evenings make me want to sit around a campfire.

I'm really excited about Colleen's wedding. I wish that I could be closer to her to help her work on things but I'm enjoying the process anyway. :) It's going to be a fun weekend.

I want to learn something new. I don't really have anything specific in mind right now but I really want to take a class or just try something that I haven't done before.

I'm glad that tomorrow's the last day of March. It's been a long month and I'm ready for a new one.

Safe

You will be safe in His arms, you will be safe in His arms,
The hands that hold the world are holding your heart.
This is the promise He's made, He will be with you always,
When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in His arms.
~Phil Wickham

I can't get this song out of my head. Last week as I left for a brief trip to Maine for a funeral of a very dear uncle, this song came on the radio and I turned it up, sang along and cried. It was so appropriate for the time. And as Mom and Colleen and I were driving to Bangor on Monday morning, it was on again and we turned it up and sang. And I thought about my aunt. The next few weeks and months are going to be the hardest and as people leave and go back to their lives and responsibilities, but her world will never be the same. Oh, it will get better and over time it will hurt a little less. But she will always need to feel the safety of her Heavenly Father's arms.

On my way home, I read pretty much an entire book. The story was of a woman in a supposedly Christian marriage with a husband who others looked at and thought what a good and godly example he was to his family and those around him. But behind closed doors he was a completely different person and she worked so hard for so long to please him in order to avoid the beatings and bruises. She wasn't safe in her own home with the people that she should be able to trust the most. And even though the book was fictional, it could be about the person that lives next door or sits beside you in church.

It's been a couple of months since Haiti was rocked by the biggest earthquake that country has ever experienced. And many people around the world have gone back to their daily living and "moved on". But those that are still there, still picking up the pieces and trying to out their lives back together haven't forgotten. They never will. And they need to know that Christ's arms are there for them. Maybe we are supposed to be those arms to show them Christ.

For a lot of people, life hasn't turned out like they planned. It may be due to choices that they have made. It may be because of the choices others have made. Or it may be neither and God just doesn't really make sense right now. And at times the clouds are so dark and the storm seems so big that it's hard to remember that He's still in control. But that's the great thing about the power of an embrace. Sometimes it comes when you least expect it but need it most. And when you feel yourself weary and falling, those arms are there. They have been all along. And out of the darkness and confusion, you feel God's hug. And you know, deep down, you are safe.

• Safe by Phil Wickham

More Phil Wickham music on iLike

The Distance Between, The Tie That Binds

There are times in life when the distance from those that you love feels so great that it physically hurts. When saying. "I love you, I'm here for you, I'm praying for you, and you're in my thoughts" just doesn't feel like it's enough. There are times when you just want to be with them - to hug, to cry, to sit, to listen.

But life doesn't always allow for that. Sometimes the ones we love, the ones that are hurting the most, are not just down the road or even across town. More often than not, the geographical distance is greater than we would like. But the love we have and the bond we share as a family, holds us together. It helps to know that when you are hurting, your family is hurting with you. And when you are crying, you're family is crying as well. And when you want to hug them and hold them close, they feel the exact same way. When life doesn't makes sense and the hurts are too big to carry alone, your family is there to hold your hand and lift your load.

We are all hurting right now, but we have each other. Family, I love you. And though the distance between may be great, the tie that binds is strong.

It's A Beautiful Day...

... in the neighborhood. I woke up to sunshine this morning which was a welcome sight after three days of rain. I love when Spring is in the air and right around the corner.

I'm not very good with plants but I'm attempting to grow some. I have one that I've had for years and has been with my mother up until about five months ago. I was certain that when I came into possession of it, it would die. However, I stuck it in the corner and it is thriving. I have some Forget-Me-Nots that are going so-so and I decided today to try to grow an Avocado tree. Not sure about that one. Sometimes I wish that I could have a garden. There's something really nice about gardens - vegetable, flower, rock. I'd probably do better with a rock garden. :)

Just some random thoughts on this beautiful day.

March So Far

There's a lot of thoughts going through my head. Maybe sometime in the next couple of days I'll get them sorted out and write something deeper.

This past weekend I drove up to Ohio to surprise my sister and meet her fiance. It was a really fun weekend and she was definitely surprised. It was wonderful just to hang out and relax and visit. I miss my family more than I usually know.

Today it was in the 70's. It was wonderful! I can't wait for Spring and Summer to really arrive and stay.

I'm already ready for the weekend. I know that's terrible but it's the truth.

Everybody's Story

I'm about to be pretty transparent here, something that I usually stay away from in the blogging world. I tend to write from a more symbolic point of view. But today, I need to be open. Why? Because, if everybody has a story, you can't really tell yours if you're hiding behind allegories.

Sometimes I feel like the "odd one out" in the family. Don't tune me out here thinking that this is a ploy to get some sympathy from everyone. Quite the contrary, I assure you. And allow me to get something straight as well. I have an amazing and loving family. They truly are the best. That being said, here's what I mean. If you know me, have read any of my past posts or just paid attention to the title "Wandering But Not Lost" you know that I am far from having my life "figured out" (by some standards). But I've always been one to challenge the status quo. I refuse to settle for something that is less than I know I can be. I also refuse to settle for what would be a boring life for me. I am not going to finish school until I know that I am on a path that I truly want to be on. I'm not afraid to move on from one thing to another fairly quickly. Some might say I have trouble being content or have ADD, I prefer to think that all that I am learning is just making me a more well-rounded individual. :)

This morning as I was watching CBS Sunday Morning, Steve Hartman did another "Everybody Has A Story". I love that segment. Because it's true. If you take the time to get to know people and listen to what they have to say, you will find that they have a story and it probably has some striking similarities to your own. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I think somewhere deep inside all of us is the desire for people to know our story. I have heard some people say that they sometimes think of their life playing out as a movie. I usually think of mine as more of a documentary. And then I think about what might be said about me. It's not as though I live a tremendously exciting life. But I live. And I make decisions just like everyone else and those decisions will affect the rest of my life in some way, shape or form at some point. And I may not be where I want to be in life right now, but I can change that. I can see what I am capable of and where I can go.

I want to work with people. Hurting people. I am about to venture out on a path that will hopefully lead to something in that area in the future. I see people all around that need physical help, spiritual help and most of all love and my heart breaks. I am hoping to eventual work in a humanitarian aid area. If you've talked to me in the last month, you probably know that I wanted to be in Haiti from day one. But that is not a possibility for me at this moment. I'm hoping to change that though so that when things like that happen, I can go. I am here for a greater purpose than myself.

Sometimes it's good to stop and think, "If I died today, what would people say about me? What would they remember?" And if it's not what you want it to be, do something about that before it's too late. When I think of my life and where I am and where I can be, I don't get bogged down by the fact that I'm not there, I am just inspired to change.

To Err Is Human

I knew that yesterday was going to be a hard day. I knew it all weekend and when I woke up yesterday morning. And as I left for work and drove down the road, I prayed. I prayed that God would keep my attitude in check and help me to "live in victory" (as my Dad says). I had no sooner gotten the words out of my mouth and the devil began to attack. And I didn't do very well at living in victory - at all! Needless to say, I basically went into survival mode just to get through the day and I could not wait for the clock to say 5:00 pm. May have been the worst day I've had in a LONG time. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this other than to point out how very human I can be and how frustrating it is. But today was a new day and it was better. It kinda had to be, right. :) I'm really thankful for a gracious and forgiving Heavenly Father.

The Timing of Things

I recently had a bit of a turning point. I realized how "comfortable" I had become in my relationship with God - basically to the point where I was not growing or learning. I went back and forth with the Father about this for a while until I became tired of arguing the point and gave in to what I knew was the right thing to do. I was reading through some old journal entries over the past couple of years and I came across one where a friend had challenged me to ask God to teach me something new. Bit of a scary thing to pray, huh? But that was where God got me. I had been trying for a while to get my relationship back on track by reading random bits of Scripture or devotional books but the desire to really change was not there and I had to come to a breaking point first. I knew that asking God to teach me something new would mean that I would be stretched and things will get uncomfortable, but without that there wouldn't be growth and the change that I so desperately needed.

The last couple of weeks have had some not-so-great moments, some disappointments and some definite lows. I've been challenged in different ways and forced to face who I really am and see how far I have to go to be who I want to be. And so far, most of these things have been very small in comparison to what they could be but I find that it's the small things that often show us what we're made. How do we handle the little disappointments and upsets? And if we can't get through the little things, how on earth do we ever get through the big things? And in a more Spiritual sense, I believe that it's the little things that help us gain the ultimate victory. Satan knows that if he can get us in those small areas of life, those "minor sins", then he's got us. We've given him all the leverage he needs to get in and keep us from being all that our Father desires us to be.

And I have found that when I accept the things I can't not change and look at them from the perspective of everything happens for a reason (God is not a God of coincidences), then I begin to learn. And sometimes - often actually - my timing and God's are not the same at all. And when things don't happens when and how I want them to, I get frustrated. Then I remember, I prayed for change.

A Mile A Minute

Sometimes I sit down to write and have no idea where to start. If I could give people only just a glimpse of all that goes through my head in the course of a day, it would blow their minds. Tonight's one of those nights. And the ironic thing is, when I can get my thoughts out and have them make sense, it's such a relief and really clear my head.

I think this is why I'm so bad at trying to pray for long periods of time. I get really sidetracked by all the things going through my head. Usually I have to pray short prayers through out the day. And sometimes I just get frustrated with myself and my inability to express to me Father what I need to say, so I just "remind" Him that He knows the rest, better than I do even, and leave it at that. Sometimes I wonder why He gave me such a crazy mind and heart. I often feel like I'm all over the place. Like right now...

Home Is Where...

... the Heart is?! Ya, I think so. And these days I'm not sure where, on this earth, my heart is. I know that "this world is not my home" and I'm not supposed to get too comfortable. I understand that part. But I also know that God put me here "for such a time as this" and I need to make the most of my time here both in the spiritual sense and the earthly, more literal sense. Now I'm just not sure if I'm making sense. :)


Everyone's wandering is usually far more spiritual than they know. Some people wander in search of God. Others wander in search of their purpose once they've found God. I've said many times that I do not believe in narrowing the will of God. I think that one can be in many places or doing any number of things and still be in the general will of God and used for His service. But I think that God still has a specific will for people. We're kinda like pieces of a puzzle. We all have a place. I guess some of us just take a bit longer to find that place. In the mean time we may "temporarily fit" into a spot but it's not really where we belong long term. Thus the longing for "home". Somewhere we fit - snug, tight, comfortable.


Michael Buble sings a song called "Home". I have a love hate relationship with the song itself, but it's still a great song. No, there's no spiritual link in the lyrics. It's really about more of a romantic relationship. But it explains how the heart sometimes feels:


And I'm surrounded by, a million people I, still feel all alone, I just wanna to go home, Oh, I miss you, you know... Let me go home, I've had my run, Baby, I'm done, I gotta go home.

All Things Canadian

I've been craving Tim Horton's Coffee all week. Seriously, it's some of the best coffee in world. And especially on cold, rainy days like today. I want to sit down with friends, or just with a good book and a great cup of coffee.

Michael Buble officially announced his engagement this week. So there goes that.... :) I do adore him though. And love his music.

With the winter Olympics in Vancouver just around the corner, I keep thinking about how much I want to see western Canada. Preferably in the summer though as I'm not really a big fan of winter and winter activities. Someday I'll go hiking in the Rockies.

Before the Throne

I wish I could just jump on a plane right now and head to Haiti and help. As I saw more pictures today I just felt so helpless. I thought how I'm able bodied and strong and so many down there right now need help just sifting through the rubble. But then I remembered something. I can pray. And I know that sounds so clich'e and "Christianize" but here's the thing. It has been said that when we pray, we are accessing the most powerful force in the universe. And not only is that true but I love that thought. Seriously, just think about that for a minute...

So right now, this very moment, I may not be able to physically go to Haiti. But I can ask the God of the Universe to protect, comfort, save and guide those that are there. Care to join me?

Regardless of the state of the World....

Some people are news junkies. I am not. I like to turn it on in the morning and see what the headlines are and sometimes I'll watch the evening news. That's about it. And these days I watch less and less of it because, well, it's pretty depressing.

At this moment I am sitting in the comfort of my living room, warm, dry and safe, watching the news. Tonight's headline: The earthquake in Haiti. So much devastation. So many lives lost. So much pain in a country already struggling with daily life. And it seems so unfair. So unnecessary.

And what gets me is when I hear people talk about how "awful" things in the world and "it's just the beginning if the end" and "it's only gonna get worse" and such a hopeless way.

Because here's the thing... that's all true. If you've never read Revelation in the Bible, check it out. Things in the end times are going to be bad. And this is just the beginning. Are we living in the End Times? I don't know. But here's what I do know...

Regardless of the state of my life, my family, my country and the world, it is well with my soul. Because I have a personal, wonderful relationship with my Lord and my Savior Jesus Christ. And He's in control! No matter what. Things can get pretty grim and look pretty dark, but the Light of the World still shines. And there is Hope.

Sure, we can ask the questions. "Why did God allow this to happen?" I don't think He's offended by our questions. He's big enough to handle our angry, our grief, our pain, our confusion. But He also wants us to remember that He's in control and He wants us to come to Him and allow Him to be the Answer.

So, as I sit here and look at the devastation just a few hundred miles south, I have to remember, it IS well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials may come, Let this blest assurance control, That Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and has shed His own blood for my soul. ~Horatio G Spafford

Dentists and Deep Freezes

I went to the dentist today. I'm a little strange (no surprise there).... I love going to the dentist. My friends think I'm crazy. Seriously though, it's so relaxing. I've fallen asleep in the chair before. Maybe it's because I've had so much work done on my mouth over the years that I'm just used to it. Who knows.

It's cold here. I know, I know. I live in the South and when I say "cold" my family starts rolling their eyes. But seriously, it's been cold. If there was snow on the ground, I'd feel like I was in Maine again. :)

Speaking of Maine... I miss my family. I have such a great family and I don't see them as much as I'd like to.... love you guys!

The Life You Want

I just watched Revolutionary Road... good, thought provoking and a bit depressing. But really more thought provoking than anything. How many countless people live a life that isn't really the life they wish to be living? How many give up the hopes and dreams that they once had in order to meet the expectations of others? How many put on a face that isn't honestly who they are because those around them might not like or be okay with who they really are?

I have no desire to be bored in life. And I don't personally know anyone that would admit that their goal in life is boredom either. But I'm serious when I say this. I'm an adventurous person. I love change. I long for it really. Some have looked at me and called me discontent, but I don't see it that way. I see it more as a desire to live my life to the fullest. I want to learn and discover and see and feel. Life really is "too short to live the same day twice". But that's what so many people do. And they get comfortable and settled in and... bored.

I know that I'm young and and some might look at my age and say that I'm just dreaming and I'll get over it and life will settle down. But I truly hope that doesn't happen. I hope that I always dream and try new things and act spontaneously.

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions but if I were to make one this year it would be to make the most of every day and be even more adventurous. :) So, here's to all the possibilities of a new year!